Just Let Go
by EmeraldstarofSwiftclan
Summary: Draco knew he never had a chance but it still wasn't easy for him to let go... Implied DracoxHermione, One-shot.


**This is really random but reviews are still greatly appreciated ^_^**

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I lowered my eyes as I saw her stare at him. She loved him, I could see it in every breath she breathed, every step she stepped.  
I shook my head, I regretted it, from my first day, I regretted all of my choices. I shouldn't have ever called her a mudblood, never should have hurt her... It was done now, though, there was no taking it back...  
"Draco," A hand came down on my shoulder and I looked up to see Astoria Greengrass standing before me,"Draco, it's okay. It's over."  
I turned away, not wanting to let her see me cry as the tears fell across my cheek. All my choices, every last one of them, had been wrong, terribly wrong. I should have just been nicer to Harry Potter on that first day on the train ride, should have never become a Slytherin, should have fought against the dark lord, should never have even joined his forces...  
"Draco, are you... Are you _crying_?" Astoria questioned softly.  
I shook my head but there was no denying the tears falling swiftly to touch the floor of the Great Hall, Voldemort was dead and I should have been celebrating, but I wasn't.  
I should have died that night. Everything would have been easier.  
"Draco, what's wrong?" Astoria questioned, worried now.  
I stared across the hall at the place where Granger, Potter and Weasley were sitting. "Nothing." I lied to Astoria.  
She followed my gaze to see what I was seeing,"Draco, you've got to let go." She told me,"She's in love with Weasley. You've got to move on."  
I was too tired to be surprised that she knew what I was thinking,"I can't, Tori. I love her."  
We sat there for a long time sitting there, me crying and she trying to comfort me with soothing pats and reassuring words.  
I never let go, Granger- Hermione- will always have a place in my heart, will always there in my thoughts.  
Even when I was standing at the altar, looking into Astoria's eyes and saying,'I do'. She was there, in my thoughts. And I bet she wouldn't even remember me, she doesn't care, because she never knew.

One night I got out of bed and opened my cupboard. I never slept in the same bed as Astoria, she was there, in the room, in a separate bed but she knows it makes me feel uncomfortable to be so close to her. I just can't move on. I still hadn't moved on.  
I found my box, that box I get when I can't sleep. This box makes me cry every time but I can't help but think about what could have been.  
I took the lid off and took the first piece of paper off the top of the pile. I took a deep breath and read it:

_Dearest Hermione,_  
_I'm sorry for everything, sorry I called you names and that I always act like I hate you. I don't- I don't hate you. Please, I know I don't deserve it but, please forgive me. I know I deserved to be slapped, I fully deserve your hatred. I'll be nice, I'll try. Anything for you._  
_From,_  
_Draco._

I wrote that one in my third year, when I discovered my feelings for her. But that, I know, isn't true at all. I've loved her since the day I met her, the first of September, first year. I smiled and placed the unsent letter on the ground and picked up the next one.

_Dear Hermione,_  
_I can see that you love that Weasley boy. I'm happy for you, but I wish it could have been me instead. Please, Hermione, please. I'd do anything for you. Anything. I'd jump off a cliff for you, I'd take a killing curse for you._  
_Forgive me._  
_From,_  
_Draco._

I never had the guts to sign,'Love, Draco' I don't know why, it wasn't like the letters would ever be sent. They never would be sent.

_Dear Hermione,_  
_I will never send this letter, ever. I just need to write this, for my own sake. Hermione, I apologise for being such an arse to you. It's how I was raised and I know that isn't an excuse but... This year, every time I see you it's like my heart is being ripped out of my chest and my emotions run wild. You're so beautiful, Hermione, and Weasley is a lucky man to receive your affections. I would do anything to swap places with him for just a day._  
_From,_  
_Draco._

That was when the tears started falling, my eyes hurt and I felt tears stream down my cheeks to plop onto the ground with a splash.  
I picked up the last letter, the words blurred and swam in my tears but I kept reading.

_Dear Hermione,_  
_I'm happy. Happy for you, happy that you married that Ron Weasley. I'm happy because you never had to know how I ache inside for you. Just wanting our fingers to brush. I'd die just to touch your lips to mine, just once. That would be enough to make me eternally happy. Happy forever. But that will never happen and I just want you to know that I love you. I always will and you will always hold a place in my heart, in my thoughts. You will always be there._  
_Love from,_  
_Draco._

Imagine if I had sent one, just one. Would that have made a difference? Probably not, a single letter would not be enough to make up for everything I've done to her.  
I probably ruined her school life.  
I should have just told her, should have just been nicer to her. I could have made a difference.  
The tears fell more steadily after that, I don't cry a lot but when I do I can make a puddle with my tears and I looked down to see that a puddle was already forming near my feet.  
I heard rustling behind me and I looked over to see Astoria edging towards me.  
Just like the night of the Battle at Hogwarts. She came over and sat next me on my bed and I sat beside her.  
The fire crackling in the corner couldn't warm me. The tears made my face cold but I couldn't help it.  
"It's time to let go." She said.  
I shook my head sadly,"I can't, Tori."  
"Can I trust you?" She questioned,"Do you really love me, Draco? Or do you love her more?"  
Did I? Why had I married this woman? Because I loved her? And I do. I love her more than anything. But more than Hermione Granger? I didn't even know. But I didn't want my thoughts to be consumed endlessly by a married girl who would never love me. I didn't want to cry any more. I didn't want the past to haunt me anymore.  
"You can always trust me, Astoria." I whispered.  
"Then prove it, Draco, let go." Her eyes swam with emotion, no jealousy or hatred, but love. The same love I felt for Hermione. "No more," She whispered. "Let it go, Draco."  
Astoria's love for me was so real and I knew that I felt the same for her. I love her.  
I stared intensely at the letters in my hand for a long moment.  
Hermione was beautiful, amazing, intelligent. But she was married. And so was I. And we were both married because we loved somebody and that was not each other. I knew what I had to do. It was time for Hermione to stop invading my mind. With a nod, I picked up the letters and held them to my chest one last time.  
"No more." I whispered and set the letters down in the fire. "You can trust me, Tori. Always." And I pressed my lips to hers, not a thought of Hermione crossed my mind as I sat kissing Astoria. It was the first time I had kissed her without wishing it had been Hermione. And it was a beautiful moment for both of us. Pride overwhelmed my senses but it was not my own- it was Astoria's.  
Our lips worked smoothly against each others and I was acutely aware of the sparks leaping from our bodies.  
We separated after a long time and she put her head in the crook of my neck.  
"Draco," She whispered,"thank you."  
"I needed to do it," I replied,"thank you for helping me."  
"That's okay," She said softly and then silence fell again as we stared into the fire. "Draco?"  
"Hm?"  
"I'm..." She yawned heavily and I could tell she was having trouble keeping her eyes open,"I'm going to have a baby." She told me and closed her eyes completely.  
And I was happy, overjoyed. This was it. I had let go completely. I had finally let go, after sixteen years of hoping, wishing, regretting.  
And I've never spared a thought for a bushy haired girl that never loved me.  
"That's great, Tor." I whispered, even though I thought she was sleeping.  
But she wasn't and she opened one eye again,"I'm so proud of you."  
"I love you."


End file.
